The Intangible Collection: From Grief to Greatness.

November 27th, 1991. The day before Thanksgiving. I was lying next to my mother on her bed watching The Wizard of OZ. The phone rang and my mother answered. I couldn’t hear the person on the other end, but I could tell that this phone call was not a good one. My mother’s emotions filled the room, I could feel her fear. She hung up the phone and said “It's Tangie she’s being rushed to the hospital”. Tangie was my cousin and the oldest child of my mother’s late sister Eula Mae. She was cherished by our entire family.

Tangie was born with a congenital heart defect. She lived most of her life with a pacemaker. I didn’t understand the extent of her illness because I was so young, and we never spoke about it because it didn't change who she was. We just valued our time together. We both cherished happiness, fun, and imagination.

A very sweet and enthusiastic girl, Tangie had a love for life and for people that was otherworldly. She was dignified, charismatic, and wise beyond her years. She taught people how to love and how to be kind. She was a true healer. I admired her for these qualities and wanted to emulate them. Tangie and I were very close. She’d come to stay the night and we’d sit on my bed and gaze out of my window for hours just talking about our dreams.

We both loved the stars and adored the moon. I never felt shy around her and I never felt judged. She gave me hope and made me laugh.  One can only imagine the pain I felt when my mother left the house that night to meet Tangie at the hospital. I prayed and I just knew that everything would be ok. It had to be. She was my best friend.

A few hours later the phone rang, I answered, and it was my sister. She said four words that would change me forever... Chelle Tangie is dead. My sister called because my mother was inconsolable. She had just lost the one person who reminded her of Eula Mae.

The news hit me like a train. I was so young, and I didn’t know how to process it. I was immediately hit with a deep soul-crushing depression that I’ve never fully recovered from. Her death changed the fibers of my soul. It made me question life and question God because it didn’t make sense.

Why take the LIGHT, when we need it here?

Three days after she died, while searching for some relief, I wrote my first poem titled “Tangie”. I had never written a poem before. I didn’t even like poetry, but for whatever reason I was drawn to do it. I had to put my pain into words. I gave the poem to my mother and she held it crying like she was holding her niece.

The poem would be published on the back of Tangie's obituary.

I’ve been writing ever since. Poetry is my LIGHT in the darkness. For me, it’s the only thing that makes sense in this world. Nothing has ever made me feel as free. On the day of Tangie’s funeral, I sat 5 feet away from her closed casket the pain was gut-wrenching and unbearable.

I found comfort in the stories that her teachers and classmates shared. They spoke about her leadership, compassion, kindness, and most importantly the love she lived with. Her school was closed on the day of her funeral, it was empowering to see them all show up for her.

I was inspired, and I promised her that I would follow her lead. Love and kindness would be my life’s work. Because that’s what she stood for. That’s what mattered most to her and to me.

I’m still learning and growing, and it has been a challenge. I fall short almost every day. I am not as kind as I should be. I am not as loving as I should be. This is what I tell myself daily so that I never forget what my journey is all about.

I have been a witness to Poetry's healing power. I hope that my poetry can provide healing and comfort to someone in need. It has been my refuge throughout the years, and I know that Tangie (my dear muse) would be proud.

I labeled The Intangible Collection with the virtues that Tangie embodied. Love, Hope, Peace and Faith. There are so many more and it is going to be fun to see how this collection grows over time. I would always tell myself that love lives here, or within me. It has been my reminder to never look outside of myself for the most precious things that life has to offer. They live within.

I miss her every day.

 InTANGIblE. Forever and always. ❤️

 Thank you for reading!

 Michelle.